? ?
?
Well, this was one old advertisement, and it came back after many years, so I'm posting it…
She felt ‘conquered’ at home
She began running away from home at the age of 13 and never stopped the habit, even when she was on probation after getting caught for rioting and drug abuse.
Adilah (not her real name) said: “I felt ‘conquered’ at home. My mother didn’t even allow me to go to the provision shop two blocks away because she felt I was young and was afraid something would happen to me.”
The 17-year-old said: “I felt very stressed. My friends could go out but I couldn’t.”
So, one night after chatting with her friends, she stayed with them and did not go home. Her overnight stay became a two-week stretch at her friend’s three-room home.
“My friend’s parents didn’t ask why we were staying (there), but they told us to help out with the housework. Her grandmother would cook for us and even gave me money when I helped to run errands.”
Describing the two weeks as the “happiest time of my life because I had freedom”, Adilah’s daily routine consisted of waking up in the afternoon, meeting friends and then going back to her friend’s home to watch television and play computer games.
She went home after her parents found her through another friend, but stayed only for a few weeks before she ran away again for a month. This time, she slept in a tent at East Coast Park for a few days before moving into another friend’s home.
The soft-spoken girl has also had brushes with the law. Adilah was caught for rioting in 2005. But she breached her probation by staying out until morning or not returning home for a few days.
She said: “I went to my friend’s house to chat and spend time with them. We took drugs like marijuana and drank hard liquor.
“I didn’t listen to my parents’ advice to keep to my curfew. I felt they were always nagging at me and I was frustrated. I felt that my friends understood me better.”
Her probation period was extended for four months after she was caught for drug abuse. But Adilah started breaching her probation again. She would go clubbing at Mohammed Sultan Road thrice a week. Her night activities were discovered by her probation officer.
She had to go to court but avoided it for fear that she would be sent to a girls’ home.
She was later caught by the Police and sent to the Singapore Girls’ Home for two years. She has less than a year before she can leave.
Adilah is now waiting to take a food preparation course at Jamiyah Business School. Her hope for the future is to enter a digital media course at the Institute of Technical Education and learn about 3D animation.
She now regrets her recklessness. “I wouldn’t (have) run away again if I can turn back time because now I realise I’m behind in my studies and I always make my parents worried. I didn’t gain anything at all, except maybe only a little freedom.”
- ONG DAI LIN
They are getting bolder
Ong Dai Lin
She dropped out of school at 14, when she could not cope with her studies, and worked as a waitress instead. Hanna (not her real name) then ran away from home.
“Three of my friends planned to run away together because they had family problems … we would hang out at another friend’s house and one day, they said they wanted to stay there,” she told Today.
“I followed them.”
Hanna would go to work in the morning and return to the house to freshen up before hitting the shopping centres with her $600 monthly salary.
The teenager, now 17, said she was bored at home: “My parents didn’t allow me to stay out after 10pm, although I could if I call back at night. But I didn’t call back sometimes because I didn’t have enough money in my prepaid card.”
She was found a few months later after her parents made a police report.
More teenagers like Hanna are running away from home, according to the Crime Library and counsellors whom Today spoke to.
A spokeswoman from the Crime Library, which helps to find missing persons, said the number of such runaway cases has increased to more than 10 a month — and 450 in the last three years.
From the start of this year until September, the non-profit organisation Crime Library handled 112 cases of teenagers reported missing by their parents.
Ms Nur Faezah Safaruan, centre manager of Ain Society, a voluntary welfare organisation which works with youths at risk, said eight out of every 10 runaway cases she handles are girls — compared to half that number a year ago.
Girls tend to use running away as a form of “passive retaliation” to seek attention from parents. Boys tend to engage in acts that will get them in trouble with the law, such as fights and gang activities.
Ms Faezah said: “Girls want to be ‘consoled’. They want constant attention. If they run away, their mothers will be worried and then they’ll feel needed.”
Most teenagers run away because they want “freedom” from family problems or the freedom to stay out with friends, said Dr Carol Balhetchet, director of youth services at Singapore Children’s Society.
While these reasons are not new, “the difference now is that they’re bolder”, she said.
Also, the runaways are now savvier, said Ms Faezah.
Besides staying at beaches, void decks and friends’ houses, they work part-time at fast-food outlets, second-hand neighbourhood mobile shops and night markets.
Suhailah (not her real name), 17, stayed at her boyfriend’s house for four months because she was upset that her parents were getting divorced. “His mother did not object to me staying in their house,” she said.
When her father found out she was at her 27-year-old boyfriend’s house, he persuaded her to return home.
Counsellor Linda Chia from Shuqun Secondary said parents have to communicate more with their children to understand what they go through in their growing-up years. She also said that although schools now have a full-time counsellor, more can be done to help runaway teenagers.
“Sometimes we may need additional resources to help the child holistically, like getting them more involved in community projects to see how other people are living in order to appreciate their own lives,” said Mrs Chia.
Ms Alphra Tse, counsellor supervisor at Yong-en Care Centre, urged teenagers to think about the efficacy of running away from home.
“When problems happen at home, running away is only avoiding the problem and doesn’t solve it,” she said.
“I would encourage children to communicate with their parents … if their parents really cannot understand them, they can share their thoughts with a teacher, counsellor or someone who can point them in the right direction.”
