When I Was Young

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MY PAPER MONDAY JULY 14, 2008

ESTHER AU YONG

AS a newlywed, there is one question that keeps coming my way.

The ubiquitous “So, when are you having kids?”

Or this: “How many children are you planning to have?”

What I actually hear is this, really: “Are you willing to give up your career to have kids?”

This is the issue I’ve grappled with since my relationship with my husband (then boyfriend) became more serious about two years ago.

He has known since he was a teen that he wanted children of his own.

I, on the other hand, have always been sitting on the fence.

It’s not because of the fear of pregnancy – the pain involved during delivery and the nine months’ long “suffering” – or the realities and hardship of bringing up children.

I’m quite confident that somehow – with lots of help from my spouse and our parents – I’ll get through those stages. And I’ll very likely enjoy them too.

After all, despite my reservations, I do firmly believe that children are blessings from God.

It’s also not the cost of bringing up children, which I’m sure through perseverance and resourcefulness, we’ll manage.

I’m also grateful that the Government has recognised the financial strain placed on many families, who choose to have children, by offering timely relief, like the baby bonus and other subsidies.

Just last week, Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew hinted that even more may be done to foster a pro-family environment.

Singapore may be going the Swedish way in time to come – this means free childcare and parental leave, which can be taken by fathers, of up to 13 months.

So, the truth of the matter is this: I’m afraid I will hate my children if they get in the way of me achieving my personal goals, especially those on my career path.

Let’s face it, Singapore bosses value productive employees. Employees who are around; who can take on extra work as and when required; who are flexible enough to travel on short notice.

A female finance manager, 29, summed the situation up in a local newspaper last week: “With three months’ maternity leave, morning sickness and numerous medical certificates, a mum will be less productive than a peer who is free of the above.”

Besides, mothers are seen as traditional caregivers. No matter how willing their husbands are to stay at home, society still dictates that mothering is a woman’s responsibility.

That’s why the challenge for working mothers here is a cultural one.

Even in Sweden, more than 80 per cent of parental leave is still taken by mothers, “making it difficult for women to compete on equal terms with men in the labour market”, the same newspaper reported.

I do think that the Government should take the initiative and help in educating local companies and bosses to be more open and receptive to high-flying working mums.

Still, society in general needs to change its values to a set that’s more balanced. I may be naive, but I’m sure with the right support, the career woman and the loving mummy can co-exist.

And I hope this co-existence can materialise before my fertile years run out.

myp@sph.com.sg

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