When I Was Young

'Senile delinquents' roam HK's streets, all sharp elbows and killer shopping carts

Tabitha Wang

voices@mediacorp.com.sg

IT ONLY took a few seconds. I had chosen my stuff at a Salvation Army charity shop and placed it on the counter to pay.

In the time it took to open my purse and take out the money, someone had swiped a choice buy, a branded sweater selling at HK$20 ($3.65). I chased after the "thief".

It turned out to be an old woman, looking as fluffy as a kitten but with claws like a tiger. She refused to relinquish her ill-gotten gain even after I asked the shop assistant for help. "How dare you young people gang up on a helpless old lady," was the gist of her lament.

Except this was no helpless old lady. She was a member of the Hong Kong Ah Pak and Ah Por club. You know, the kind who leap tall buildings in a single bound and chew sheet metal for breakfast.

The Hong Kong elderly are a deadly species. They may look like the next typhoon would blow them away but don't be fooled.

That one-foot-in-the-grave image is all an act. These are no shrinking violets. They make their own rules - because they believe they are above the law of the land.

There's no stopping these "senile delinquents". Jaywalking, queue jumping, a bit of petty "thieving" ... when they're caught, they just invoke the Confucian "respect thy elderly" tenet and confidently wait to be let off.

When buses come, they insinuate themselves into a queue of people who have been waiting for hours and expect entry. Woe betide you if you get in their way - they have elbows of steel.

I've lost count of the number of times I've been jabbed in the stomach trying to board a bus with Ah Paks who look like they were about to collapse from lung cancer.

It's not just bus or train queues - they expect people to give them way everywhere. My friend went to a recent consumer fair hoping to get some bargains.

She came home empty-handed but with bruised toes. The old folk were bulldozing their way to all the good buys by running their heavily-laden shopping-bags-on-wheels over everyone's feet.

Another friend had a run-in with an Ah Por at a supermarket. He had selected some tomatoes and put them in his trolley, which he left at the end of the aisle to pick up something else.

He returned to find an old woman happily putting his tomatoes into her trolley. He tried to stop her by pointing out the pile that was on sale behind them.

Instead of apologising, she glared and said: "But these are so much nicer than the ones over there." And left with his tomatoes.

A Singapore friend says there are just as many senile delinquents back home. "It's the whole Confucian thing. They think they can get away with murder because they're old and we must respect their age."

Tsk, tsk, old people these days. Whatever happened to the nice old ladies that I had known when I was younger? They were always so patient and lovable ... and never stole branded sweaters from under your nose.

English poet Jenny Joseph's Warning, When I Am An Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple probably best sums up their attitude.

Voted the United Kingdom's most popular post-war poem in a 1996 poll conducted by the BBC, it spoke of how the poet planned to misbehave when she grows old and included the lines:

I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired

And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells

And run my stick along the public railings

And make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain

And pick flowers in other people's gardens

And learn to spit.

Well, hopefully what goes around comes around. Maybe I should start working on those elbows of steel now.

Tabitha Wang is going to booby trap her tomatoes the next time she goes shopping, so senile delinquents beware.

From TODAY, Voices – Thursday, 24-Sep-2009