ON UNWANTED PREGNANCIES
DEWI SRIWAHYUTO
I HAD to ask myself – over and over again.
I was covering a story on Sanctuary House, the only charity here that reaches out to unwed mothers. It has been taking care of babies abandoned by their mothers.
The thought hit me: How could anyone have the heart to discard a life that they themselves created?
The idea of finding a newborn infant, dead or alive, at a deserted stairwell or in the rubbish chute is beyond words. Now, reality check. Every time we hear about incidents like this, who do we blame? We blame the girl – the mother of the child.
What about the father of the child? The boy that had a huge role to play in this?
He would not have a bump in his tummy, which means he easily escapes from the shame that he should have shared with the girl.
He does not have to endure pain and fear because he is not the one who is going to give birth to the baby.
It’s time for these boys to be a man and start taking responsibility for the mistake that they have made.
So, when I found out about Sanctuary House, a charity that takes in and cares for abandoned babies, I felt extremely relieved and happy.
Why? Because now we know that there is a place out there to house the poor souls and give them a chance at life.
I am all of 19 years old, and whenever I spot a pregnant girl who is almost the same age as I am, I feel fear and sadness.
I fear for the future of the baby and I feel sad for the teen mum because it really isn’t time for her to take on the responsibility of being a mother. School, family and friends should be her priorities – not raising a baby.
On the day I interviewed Mr Noel Tan, the programme director of Sanctuary House, I was introduced to a whole new world I had never taken the time to think about.
I was supposed to interview Mr Tan in his office, but we ended up talking over croissants and coffee at the KK Women’s & Children’s Hospital.
He had received a call, minutes before I arrived, from a foster parent of one of the newborn babies the Sanctuary House had taken into its care.
It was bad news. Doctors found Ben, the baby boy, to be suffering from two diseases.
When I saw the seven-week-old baby sleeping soundly in his cot, with his cheeks so lucent that I could see his tiny veins, the first thing that came to my mind was: “Oh God. This beautiful baby shouldn’t have to suffer for the mistake of his 14-year-old mother and 16-year-old father.”
And, as though she could hear my thoughts, Veronica, a 40-year-old Australian mother of four, and now the foster mother of Ben, said: “It’s sad. But at least he’s here being looked after.”
When teenagers with no parenting skills and mediocre incomes take the chance of raising their own babies, a vicious circle is created. More often than not, the babies will grow up following in their parents’ footsteps and end up repeating the same mistakes.
Punishing teens is not going to work, so we would have to start by teaching the kids about responsibility – and that is a hard lesson to impart.
As for me, I live by this mantra: It takes two hands to clap.
So instead of just teaching the girls how to say no, we should teach the boys how to say no too.
myp@sph.com.sg
From myPaper, My News, Home
Wednesday, 08-April-2009
