When I Was Young

From My Paper, My Lifestyle
MONDAY SEPTEMBER 8, 2008

MANIC MUMMY
ON DRESSING OFFSPRING

CLARA CHOW

IN THE Japanese cult anime, Ghost In The Shell 2: Innocence, an eerily dead-pan coroner named Miss Haraway debates the difference between Man and Machine with a rookie detective.

Observing that little girls who dote on their dolls are experiencing something akin to child-rearing, she says: “Raising children is the simplest way to achieve the ancient dream of artificial life.”

At that, the detective bursts out: “Children aren’t dolls!”

The conversation may be surreal, making sense only in the sci-fi-meets-philosophy context of anime.

But it got me thinking about how parents often project their own desires and ideal self-images onto their offspring.

And the most obvious way in which this manifests itself is how Mums and Dads dress their unprotesting babies and tykes.

So, what do your kids’ clothes say about you? Here’s my list of totally unscientific hypotheses:

1. Your kid wears: starched shirts/skirts, waistcoats, pressed trousers and dress shoes. This could be a class-conscious or aspirational thing.

You’re likely to: Believe in exuding the right, serious and professional image at all times. Or you could just be an uptight individual.

2. Your kid wears: T-shirts with ironic slogans like “Someday I’ll get trashed at prom”, or edgy street clothes like hoodies, skate shorts and gangsta chains.

You’re likely to: Think you’re hip, and want your child to think that Mama and Papa are “with it” as well. But there are some boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed.

How many people want to read an off-colour joke or see a rude image emblazoned on a toddler’s chest?

And think long term. When your kid’s a teen, it’ll already be a struggle getting him or her to be tight pals with you. Best not to give them photo evidence that you made them look like tiny fools now.

3. Your kid wears: Adorable tuxedos, sailor suits and/or frilly frocks, looking like a little prince or princess.

You’re likely to: Idealise childhood and appreciate the finer things in life. You could also be getting parenting ideas from old movies like The Sound Of Music.

If your son is in both suits and frilly frocks, then I salute you as a fearless, anti-establishment activist.

But while there’s something pleasantly old-fashioned and Victorian about such outfits, I do wonder about their comfort factor.

4. Your kid wears: Whatever you can find in the bargain bin that is lightweight, non-flammable and comfortable in the tropical heat.

You’re likely to: Be a true-blue pragmatic Singaporean. I applaud both your commitment to the environment and lightweight economics.

5. You kid wears: Animal suits.

You’re likely to: Embrace your wild, unfettered instincts – and hope your little critter does so, too. Then again, there are many other unprintable explanations for this one.

And then there’s the category I fall into with my two-year-old son Julian. He is barely clothed most of the time.

Julian, like a nascent nudist, regularly appears in public without any pants on, modelling his diapers proudly. He has also been known to kick up a big fuss when attempts to put a shirt on him are made – leading to him often sleeping in the buff.

I’d like to think that it means I’m a non-conforming, free-spirited bohemian.

“You wish,” scoffed the Supportive Spouse when I proffered this theory.

I concede that it may just mean I am lazy and that I take the path of least resistance when it comes to dressing my child.

Some psychologists have said that dressing a child in a parent’s image can hint at future problems when the adult cannot accept that they are separate individuals.

If that’s the case, I won’t have those problems at all, since my stubborn son has made sure thus far that I harbour no mini-me delusions of grandeur.

myp@sph.com.sg