When I Was Young

From TODAY, Voices
Friday August 29, 2008

SINGLE PARENTS
Letter from Carole Chen Shuyi

LIKE many others, I looked forward to what Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong had to announce in the Enhanced Marriage & Parenthood Package.

However, despite being a working parent with a Singaporean child below seven years old, I am not eligible for the Enhanced Childcare leave. This is because I am a single unwed mother. I have always wanted to form a nuclear family with as many children as possible but my partner has other more important commitments than to marry me. Desiring to have at least a child of my own, I decided to go ahead without getting married.

Being a single mother takes a lot of courage; people like us face rejection from family members and the scorn of society.

Juggling work and family life, I am responsible solely in meeting the basic needs for myself and my child, and coping with all the emotions that come with parenting.

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I may be a single mother, but I am no different from other parents. I need to spend time with my child to teach him values, attend to him and guide him as he grows. Why, then, am I not entitled to the enhanced childcare leave?
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I am not entitled to purchase a Housing and Development flat because I don’t meet
the eligibility condition of “having a proper family nucleus”. I find this is totally acceptable and understandable because our Government encourages a proper family nucleus. Therefore I accept this ruling.

But I am no different from other parents. I need to spend time with my child to teach him values, attend to him, understand his needs, and guide him as he grows. Why, then, am I not entitled to the enhanced childcare leave?

I am a Singaporean and my child is born in Singapore. He will have to do National Service when the time comes, so why can’t he enjoy the same priveleges as other Singaporean children? Does it mean that because of my (non) marital status, he does not deserve to spend time with his sole parent?

My parents help to look after my child until I come home from work every day. He brings them much joy and pleasure and keeps them busy and from feeling lonely. My child gives me much joy and happiness. I do not regret having him. The only regret is that it seems I am being penalised for having a child out of wedlock.

Four years ago, when Mr Lim Hng Kiang announced the New Package of Measures to Support Parenthood in August 2004, he said: “We have taken the approach of asking what we can do to help Singaporeans at each stage or aspect of their journey as parents”.

He also said: “This package is not only about helping to increase our birth rate. Ultimately, it is about making Singapore a great place for families.”

To me and my child, we are a family.